Steven Wright

     Now I could give you a brief biography of the brilliant comedian, Steven Wright. I could discuss his noted comedic style, consisting entirely of bizarre one-liners. I could write about those things. But the fact of the matter is, the only point of writing an article (Post? Page? Topic?) about Steven Wright is to come up with a convincing excuse to quote him. Extensively. So, rather than beat around the bush, I decided to simply cut to the chase and just give you readers what you really want. So here are a few quotes, followed by a video. Enjoy.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand--Steven Wright



On the other hand, you have different fingers. -- Steven Wright

Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."-- Steven Wright


What's another word for Thesaurus? -- Steven Wright

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot,
then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.-- Steven Wright

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms
with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?" -- Steven Wright


You can't have everything. Where would you put it? -- Steven Wright

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.-- Steven Wright

I woke up one morning and everything in my apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica.--Steven Wright